I first came across the word Quaker in the film Friendly Persuasion. Gary Cooper starred as the Quaker, who now and then allowed the devil to get the better of him in the nicest possible way. And then there were those liquid eyes and feckless smiles of the Oscar nominated Anthony Perkins. But for me, the most memorable of all, was the theme song, starting with the words, Thee I Love.

I dont know whether thee and thou are still part of the Quaker language. But certainly the Quakers came across as a very different type of people, especially when it came to the formal part of their religion. This is particularly noticeable in their celebration of marriage when compared to the way we celebrate it.

To most of us a wedding invitation usually promises a spectacle of some sorts whether it takes place at a church, in a rose garden, on the beach or in a deeply wooded forest. And despite the differences of venue, there is an expectation of familiar activity such as a wedding march, giving away of the bride and the exchanging of rings.

Whatever happens, there will be sights and sounds either familiar or a variation on the familiar.

The Quaker wedding celebration stands apart from what we are used to, as indeed does the Quaker religion itself.

Both the religious observance and the wedding ceremony tends to be on the quiet, gentle side and a bit of a shock to the system to the stranger used to the hymns and prayers that happen everywhere else.

The Quaker bride and groom are in no way elevated, being seated either in a circle with the rest of the congregation, or facing the congregation. They are without attendants.

There is no set ceremony as such. And the silence that reigns supreme is not broken with any specific readings or homilys, but with a spontaneous reflection or prayer by the individuals present. The silences may be longer and much more prominent than the utterances.

The vows by which the couple unite themselves is no more than, In the presence of God and these our friends, I take thee to be my wife/husband, promising with Divine assistance to be unto thee a loving and faithful husband/wife so long as we both shall live.

Perhaps the most interesting feature of the Quaker wedding to us is the Wedding Certificate itself. While the top part consists of the normal information of who, when and where, the bottom part consists of a large space for every member of the congregation to write their signature as witnesses. Believing that the institution of marriage is not of human origin, but Gods, for the Quaker its not so much a question of someone declaring the couple as being married, its more that the two people have made their vows to each other, with God and the congregation being their witnesses.