Have you ever noticed how we keep falling into the same holes and ruts in life? We know something doesnt work and yet we keep doing the same things over and over again.

Have you ever wondered why we do this? And more importantly, how do we stop doing it, how do we stop digging? And how do we get out?

As Ive studied and searched over the years for ways to help people get the changes they want, quickly, gently and effectively, Ive stumbled across a poem that seems to capture well the process of change.

Its called An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters. I wish I knew who the author is, I want to thank the person. Lets look at each of these chapters, and what they have to teach us about the process of change.

Chapter One - I walk down the road. Theres a big a hole in the road. I dont see it. I fall in. Its not my fault. Its dark and scary. It takes me a long time to get out.

Weve all had the experience of winding up in a hole and wondering how we got there. It seems like we were minding our own business, and all of a sudden we wind up in a situation we never intended. Or as Jimmy Buffet once sang, ......trying to figure out how I ever got here.

Chapter Two - I walk down the road. Theres a big a hole in the road. I dont see it. I fall in. Its not my fault. Its dark and scary. It takes me less time to get out.

Here we go again. If the first time came as a surprise, this is getting to be a habit, or a pattern.

Denial and blame tend to show up at this point in the game. Denial says what do you mean, whats my part? Blame says someone else did this to me, and just wait until I find them!

At this point we are still digging the hole, and are just not aware of it yet. This is where the rut begins. Its important to remember that the only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.

Chapter Three - I walk down the road. Theres a big a hole in the road. I see it. I fall in anyway. Maybe Ive got something to do with this. Its dark and scary. I get out.

Dontcha just hate it when you know better, you even know you know better, and yet you wind up in the same place again.

Heres when change can begin to occur, because we begin to see our part in the problem. Good questions to ask are -

Whats my part in this? What am I willing to do to change this? What am I willing to stop doing to change this?

Its also important to remember my favorite definition of stuck is when we keep doing the same things over and over again and expect different results.

Chapter 4 - I walk down the road. Theres a big a hole in the road. I see it. I walk around it.

Good job! Youre starting to pay attention, and make progress. Heres the not so good news. Its not enough. What do you mean, its not enough? Didnt I stay away from the hole?

Yes, you did. And while thats good, in the words of southern rock group Molly Hatchet, your flirtin with disaster.

Why is that?

Because you are still on the same road, and human nature has a curious feature. We tend to forget how bad things were, and we can fall into the trap of checking out the hole just one more time, just to make sure it was really that bad. Like an alcoholic in a bar or a dieter at an all you can eat buffet, you are flirting with disaster.

Chapter Five - I walk down a different road.

While chapters one through four do involve some amount of change, its still not real change. Theres lots of movement and things may even look different, but its still change without change.

The real change, that is transformation, can go something like this four step process -

1 - you do the same thing again and then realize it afterwards

2 - you do the same thing again and realize it while you are doing it

3 - you realize you are about to do the same thing before you do it, and do something different

4 - you automatically do something different

The beauty of walking down a different road is that transformation has taken place. Not only do you no longer fall in the old holes, you find that you dont even want to. They no longer hold any interest or attraction for you.